robert palmer

robert palmer...

So...a friend of mine is 'downsizing' his business.
It's ten o'clock on Sunday night and we're clearing out his office.
I remember that it's not so long ago that I helped him move all the stuff in there. He got it all on ebay, very cheap, and now that he doesn't need it anymore, he just wants to get rid of it.
We're loading up the van with all the furniture and the plan is to take it all to the tip tomorrow morning.
Now, I can understand why he wants to do it all on a Sunday night; it's a rented office in a big building so during the week it would just take ages, with all the other people in the corridors and the lifts and stuff...but there is a tiny part of my overactive imagination that thinks, "Maybe he's in a spot of real bother and he needs to do a runner, and on Monday morning all his staff are going to turn up to work and find an empty office."
So anyway, there we are, loading up the van and when we get halfway through, it becomes apparent that it isn't all going to fit in.
Dang.
We stand there and scratch our heads for a minute.
"Well, it all fitted in when we brought it here..."
"Maybe we could leave some of the chairs here; they're nice chairs...no one will mind."
Shit. It all has to be out tonight, there's nowhere to store it except in the van which it doesn't fit into, and we can't just dump it in the street. Shit.
Then we notice another van that has already gone past us a few times and seems to be watching us.
It pulls up and a bloke gets out.
"Excuse me, lads...erm, I couldn't help noticing that you seem to be moving out of that office there and I er...just er...wanted to ask you...erm...none of that stuff's for sale, is it? Only, I'm s'posed to be moving into this office next door and I need a few bits and pieces to deck the place out."
Woah.
Me and my friend look at each other.
My friend's like, "Well...yeah...which bits do you want?"
The bloke's like, "Erm, what have you got in there?"
So we pull a few bits out and show them to him and he looks at them all and ums and ahhs, "Well, I could really do with a couple of those filing cabinets and two chairs...how much do you want for them?"
Ok...my friend's a salesman, right? That's his gig, quite hardcore sales stuff, so I''m expecting him to spring into action here.
"Just make us an offer, mate," he says, "We're going to chuck it all tomorrow anyway, so tell us what's on your mind and we'll work something out."
The bloke ums and ahhs again. A lot. "Hmm, well...I really don't know what any of this stuff's worth...I was going to look into it next week, you know...I wasn't going to buy anything until..."
At this point I VERY NEARLY took matters into my own hands and said, "Give us a hundred quid and you can have the lot."
"A score," says my friend.
"Erm...I'm sorry, I don't know, what's 'a score'?"
"It's twenty quid."
"Well...hmm, like I said, I really don't know what any of this is worth...tell you what: twenty five, is that ok?"
Me and my friend look at each other.
"Yup, that's fine."
Oh, my days.
And then, after we've taken the stuff out and the bloke's about to hand over the money, my friend says, "Look it's all going in the bin tomorrow, feel free to take another filing cabinet, if you want one," meaning, you know, have it, for free.
The bloke goes, "Ok, I tell you what...ummm...ahhh...thirty quid for three cabinets and two chairs."
So, there you go.
When we'd gotten over ourselves and stopped crying with laughter, the rest of the stuff fitted into the van a treat.


Currently Listening :
Some Guys Have All the Luck
By Robert Palmer