reet narky

i can get reet narky sometimes.
here is a letter i wrote on behalf of my friend when he got a parking ticket one morning:


Re: Penalty Charge Notice no. 52754

Dear Sir/Madam,


I am writing to appeal against the issuing of Penalty Charge Notice (PCN) No. 52754.
I understand that the laws governing the issuance of penalty charge notices for parking offences give out that for a notice to be issued;

a) any given vehicle must be left unattended at the time that it comes to the attention of the traffic warden in question,

and that;

b) the vehicle must be seen to remain unattended by that warden for a period of at least 4 minutes before a PCN can be issued,

and that;

c) during these four minutes the issuing warden may fill out the notice which is to be placed on the vehicle but may not place it on the vehicle until the end of this period.

I do not believe that these procedures were followed in the issung of PCN No. 52754.
At the time that PCN No. 52754 was placed on vehicle AWB 24 I was descending a flight of stairs in Comeragh Road having just spoken to traffic warden VII 83 from a second floor window. The conversation that we had had went like this:

Myself: Excuse me, you're not giving me a ticket are you?

Warden: Yes. I'm writing it out now.

Myself: Please wait a moment. I'm just going to come down and move the vehicle.

Warden: You've got two minutes.


After this exchange I came down into Comeragh Road to find the warden walking away from vehicle AWB 24 which had PCN No. 52754 on its window.
Let me assure you that even on my worst day it doesn't take me more than 45 seconds to get my beautiful white ass and the tight rubbery bum tube it surrounds down a couple of flights of stairs. I can get from the second floor to street level really fast. I do this sort of thing all the time, yeah?...running up and downstairs, yeah, do it all the time. I used to work in a hotel, yeah?...used to be a room service guy. Part of my job was going up and down stairs for ages, taking people their soup and shit, right? And when I looked after my gran when she was ill and that, I was going up and down with pots of vomit mixed with blood and all sorts.
So what I'm saying is, I know damn well it didn't take me no fuckin' two minutes to get down there and see your pussy little queer traffic warden walking off with his smug self and my fuckin' car sat there with your cunt-arsed ticket on it.
Let me tell you this, right?...You lot better watch yourselves going near snazzy little green Rovers from now on, yeah?...The next time any of you cunts come any where near my fuckin' car, you better keep your eyes peeled 'cos you might miss the angry little white kid coming after you wreckin' shit man, ripping up the stones to get to you.
You got a tongue, yeah? You and your mates got tongues yeah? Why don't you use them to go and lick your mothers' fannies?


I ain't paying no fine.





Dominic Bond.




i got a wasp sting on my neck today n'all.
damn.