17 September, 2006

'ousework...

One o y'all already knows this, but here goes...

A coupla days ago I noticed a pretty crummy smell in my study. My study is next to my kitchen so I, kind of logically, assumed that there was something going bad in my bin. I took the rubbish out, cleaned up the dishes and went off out for the night.
Surprise surprise, when I came home there was the funky smell. Dang.
Next up, I get a call from my girlfriend over in Canadia saying that a coupla her friends are coming to London for a coupla days and can I put them up? 'Hey, no problem, honey.'
Yeah, yeah. No problem, just a freaky smell that I can't figure out that, to a stranger, really makes it seem like I can't look after myself (yup, by now it's turned into one of THOSE smells). But hey, I'll just tidy the joint up and stick some candles around the place...we'll be fine.
Uh-uh. Halfway through the job my vacuum cleaner explodes in a cloud of "now you're really screwed, oh, and by the way, change the bag more often so that it's not full of crap the next time I decide to blow up on you," dust. Sheesh.
So then, I go into the bathroom to wash my face and hands and the light switch falls apart!
Time to call the landlady...
She's like, 'Oh, that's too bad. I just had a professional cleaner in the flat upstairs,' turns out that when my upstairs neighbours moved out recently they just unplugged their three fridge freezers, full of food and ice, and left them unattended in the room above my study. Since then a little flow of stinky food water has been trying to find a way into my flat through the corner of the ceiling right above my head as I write this. 'And I can't get a contractor to come and fix the light till next Monday.' I know, I know, I could fix the light myself but you don't know my landlady, we've had big fights about me playing with the electrics in this place. It's like I have to let her know in writing when I wanna charge my mobile phone.
So anyways. I'm not the most houseproud european guy you're gonna meet, but I haven't had any guests staying for quite a while and I wanted the place to be nice for them - especially as they are Canadian chick friends of my girlfiend...can you imagine?...
'Hey, chiquitas, d'yer have a good time in London?'
'Oh yeah, eh?'
'How's mrtat?'
'Oh, he's doing fine, eh?'
'And how was the place?'
'Yeah, you know, it was ok, eh? There was kind of a funny smell in there...and a big pile of dust on the floor...and we had to bathe in the dark...but yeah, eh?'.
Yeah....think I might just leave some keys out for them and piss off for the weekend...let 'em do London by themselves and then come back and call up my girl....
'Hey! Your damn friends! My place is all f@£$ed up!'
Bah!

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